Aviation Humor, Very funny

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please post all your Aviation humor here

 

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The pilot of a Cessna climbs out of his small plane uninjured after a giant Russian Antonov jet, in backgraound, flipped it over with the force of its engines while both aircraft were taxiing toward the main runway Thursday at Calgary International Aiport.

 

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Quiz question: Can you identify the aircraft in this picture?

 

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Two voices, one male and one female, overheard on a plane:
"I think everyone's asleep, lets go"
"This one's empty "¦ no-ones looking"¦ you go in first"
"It's a bit cramped – let me sit down"
"Have you got the condom? Quick – put it on"
Sniff sniff
"Ah perfume – you think of everything"
"This is great"¦.." (long sigh)

Static on the loud speaker then a new voice.
"This is the captain speaking, to those two people in the rear toilet. We know what you're doing and it is expressly forbidden by airline regulations"¦ Now put those cigarettes out and take the condom off the smoke detector!

 

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AMAZING ENGINEERING FEATS

It manages to remain upright, despite missing its front landing gear!

 

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NASA SPIDER PROBLEM – SHUTTLE ATLANTIS STS-122

A fuel tank glitch forced mission controllers to delay the launch. And, fuel sensors weren't the only problem. The shuttle was also attacked by a giant spider.

Well, at least that's how it looked on NASA's camera, walking right over a live picture of the launch pad. Add "exterminator" to the list of preflight checks

 

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HELICOPTER OPENS BOTTLES, SHAVES MAN ON-FLY IN RUSSIA

A life-long Siberian pilot, bored with conventional forms of flight, is breaking some interesting new barriers in aviation with a series of tricks.

in soviet russia, helicopter shaves you!!!

 

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AS A PILOT I DON'T SEE THE POINT OF JUMPING OUT OF A PERFECTLY GOOD AIRPLANE

 

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I was taxiing out to the active in a 172 and I had just dialed up tower and checked the approach which was clear. The weather was 15+ vis and no ceiling. I was just about to call tower for clearance when I heard this.
ABC: London tower this is alpha bravo charlie on short final 33.
TWR: Alpha bravo charlie, negative visual contact pull up go around.
I took a good hard look for the a/c and saw nothing so I called tower and got cleared to go. I heard 2 more renditions of the "On short final" and "Pull up go around" act. On the fourth try the pilot got a bit frustrated about the wave off. It went like this.
TWR: Negative visual contact pull up and go around.
ABC: Well look out you window, I'm right bloody in front of you!
Tower came back very cool and collected.
TWR: Alpha bravo charlie look down into the centre of the runway pattern. Do you see a big white radar dome?
ABC: err"¦.negative dome tower.
TWR: That's because you're not over London. You're over Waterloo-Wellington 50 miles north-east of my position. Waterloo-Wellington tower frequency is 125.00. I think they would like to talk to you.

 

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ACCURATE URGENT OPERATIONAL REQUIREMENT

 

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AIRCRAFT CARRIER STORY

#radio 1: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

#radio 2: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to South to avoid a collision.

#radio 1: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

#radio 2: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

#radio 1. THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER ENTERPRISE, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!

#radio 2. This is a lighthouse. Your call.

 

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